An Indwelling of the Spirit

Pentecost 2024 - Resting in the Spirit 

During Pentecost 2024 (the commemoration of the birthday of the Church when the Holy Spirit fell upon the disciples and equipped them to evangelize), my parish offered prayer for all attendees after each of the Masses. I happened to go to both the Vigil Mass and the 11:30 am Mass on Sunday. I received prayers at both Masses, but while being prayed over at the Sunday Mass, I had a unique experience.

While a prayer team member was praying over me, I began to struggle to stay upright. After I assured the prayer team that I was fine, they continued to pray over me, and, again, I started moving. So one of the team members motioned to our priest, Fr. Julius, who caught me and laid me gently on the ground, where I then rested in the Spirit for about an hour. 

During that hour, I was unable to move or speak. All I seemed able to do was provide a little bit of pressure to someone’s hand to indicate that I could understand when they were speaking to me. As I lay supine, my arms and legs shook uncontrollably and my teeth chattered. I felt comfortable and at peace throughout the entire process. While I was aware of things going on around me, I had no sense of how much time was passing. It was only when two people prayed over me, calling me out of resting in the Spirit, that I regained my ability to move.

Before and After Pentecost 

I had been prayed over once before, at a Cursillo Weekend just over a year before, and I had a similar experience of resting in the Spirit, marked by a few key differences: I laughed, I cried, my hands were cold and a different temperature than the rest of my body, and when I first opened my mouth, I was not able to speak on my own, but I could only sing the praise and worship songs that were being played in the background. Once the experience was over, I regained the ability to talk and move as normal and life moved on as it had before, except I carried with me the memory of the experience. 

But after my second time resting in the Spirit, at my parish, the Holy Spirit was not done with me. Immediately after I regained the ability to move and speak, my hands and arms started to flail without my willing them. Though the Monday after Pentecost came and went with nothing of note from the Holy Spirit, the following afternoon, my hand briefly moved uncontrollably and I wondered if the Holy Spirit was still manifesting in me in physical ways. But I paid no great attention to it as it could’ve been a figment of my imagination.

That night, after my usual evening prayer time, I was struggling with temptation and so I began invoking the name of Jesus to give me the grace to fight and resist. Almost immediately, the temptation left me and I felt a sense of pressure coming down on me and resting on me. It was the same feeling that I had had when I had rested in the Spirit the previous two times. 

I was curious and concerned. The previous two times I had rested in the Spirit, it was only because someone had prayed over me invoking the Holy Spirit to fill me, and here I was potentially resting in the Spirit again – but not with any other intercessors. Though this time I could still speak, like the other times, I couldn’t move my body at will. As I was flopping and moving around, I invoked the name of Jesus to cast out any evil spirits should they be there, then I prayed several rote prayers—the Our Father, Hail Mary, and the prayer to St. Michael—before invoking the intercession of some saints. This all lasted for about an hour. 

There seemed to be a slight connection between my prayers and my involuntary actions. When I sang the Hail Mary, my hand started waving; when I sang the Our Father, they lifted into a praise and worship stance. By the end, I realized that what was happening to me was truly from the Holy Spirit. 

Afterwards, I texted a couple of people who had had more charismatic experiences than me and who had prayed with others for more of the Holy Spirit before. I wanted to know if they had heard of someone who had undergone a similar experience. They hadn’t. 

“Great,” I thought. There was no precedent for me to follow.

The Experience Becomes Ongoing

The next day, the Holy Spirit began appearing frequently, physically manifesting Himself through me in a variety of ways. I attended a commencement ceremony, where He seemed to guide the applause. When a Gospel choir sang in praise of God, He was especially energetic, applauding very loudly.

During prayers, He would move my hands. As names were called, He expressed Himself through my applause: some received a steady rhythm, others loud and enthusiastic clapping, and still others just two claps. At times, He also had me jump up and down.

This was a brand new experience for me. It was both enjoyable and disorienting. “Who else has had this happen to them?” I wondered. 

The Holy Spirit also appeared at Bible study, applauding during someone’s baptism story and moving and shaking as people shared insights from the Gospel. It was surreal. At times, I asked Him to stop, and He would. But because I understood Him as God, it felt strange and conflicting to ask Him to stop working in me, knowing He seemed to want to work in this way.

For many months afterward, He continued to show up physically in me in a variety of ways each day. 

Juan, leading an Ablaze Bible Study.

Discerning the Movements

As time went on, I became more aware of how, and possibly why, the Spirit was acting in me in response to my daily activities. 

For example, in general, the Holy Spirit can be very active at Mass (unsurprisingly), moving me during the readings and prayers. He’s also active during Adoration.

Sometimes, He has changed my emotions on a whim. Once, in a bookstore, I came across a section with books about the Holocaust and was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness and began crying. I sensed God’s sorrow in the tragedy and suffering of many of His beloved children. Then, when I passed sections on New Age books or erotica, He reacted again, and I sensed He was displeased with them for leading people to trust another “god.” His movements were just as strong in the religious section, and I felt I could sense why the Holy Spirit was moving in me based on the content before me and my understanding of who God is.  

But it’s notable that the manifestations of the Holy Spirit within me don’t always seem meant to be a private experience. At times, it seems He shows up so I can share my story, witnessing to the power and working of the Holy Spirit in my life. Once, He encouraged me to talk to someone about what was on their heart, and by the time we finished our conversation, they felt lighter, like a load had been lifted from their shoulders. And when someone invokes the Holy Spirit in a conversation, He begins to move in me, almost as if to let them know that He is there. 

A Changed Prayer Life

The Holy Spirit also guides me in my prayer life, leading me to something He wants me to reflect on. This once happened during Adoration, where He shook me until I discerned the question He wanted me to ponder: “What can the Eucharist do?” 

This isn’t the only way He’s changed my prayer life. I was already in the habit of spending at least 20 minutes in silent prayer daily and talking with God throughout the day, but now there are times when I feel His presence inviting me to rest in the Spirit and I obey. 

Perhaps the best guidance I’ve received on how to approach this new way of life has been to “surrender,” and to “let go and listen.” 

Living This Out Publicly

This has all been amazing to experience spiritually, and has left me much to ponder, reflect, and act on. But it has also been far from easy. 

I am self-conscious about how I look and appear—at work, Mass, gatherings with family, with strangers or fellow parishioners, with friends—and how preposterous my story may seem. At times, I very much try to hide the Holy Spirit so as not to draw attention to myself (but this, in turn, does not allow others to draw close to God through me). I worry about coming across as physically or mentally unwell because of the physical manifestations. I’ve had family think something was wrong with me, and people have looked at me funny and laughed when I’ve told them it’s the Holy Spirit acting through me. But, conversely, there have been people whom I’ve been afraid of the Holy Spirit manifesting around and they’ve actually welcomed Him. 

While the Spirit has brought joy, levity, and clarity in some ways, He has also caused some hard conversations to happen—although this has ultimately been good, leading to things being in a better place after the difficult conversation. 

Acceptance and Hope

In these and many varied ways, difficult to count by this point, the Holy Spirit has been working through me since Pentecost 2024. I do not know how long this will continue; I cannot fathom what He may have in store. I only hope that I will continue to be a vessel, allowing Him to do His will on earth through me.

I have grown in awe of the Lord as I have struggled to understand how He is working in me, and what it may mean each time He moves my body. He may work in me for another hour, day, week, month, year, or the rest of my life in this way. I must be open to it all. 

I also realize that I’m not the only one that He wishes to work through. The Holy Spirit works through others in a variety of beautiful ways. He desires to work through everyone, and have all surrender to Him. As Moses told Joshua in the Book of Numbers when they learned that God had bestowed His Spirit on elders who were not at the tent of meeting, “Are you jealous for my sake? Would that all the LORD’s people were prophets, and that the LORD would put his spirit on them!” (Numbers 11:29)