Meaning Not Happiness

What is it that we are all looking for? If you asked a college student why they are at school, they would probably say something like, “To get a job.” Why would you want a job? To have nice things. If you keep asking those “why” questions, you get down to what that person is really aiming at: happiness. There are different understandings of happiness, but I think what people mean is enjoyment, satisfaction, and a lack of suffering. This is not a bad desire, but the attainment of such happiness is fragile and variable. 

I have found that it is better to pursue what is meaningful. What is meaningful is ultimately following the will of God, which is seeking his Kingdom. This is a much surer way to live a better and fulfilling life, and ironically, a better way to achieve happiness.

I spent approximately the first 21 years of my life pursuing happiness, having many ups and downs. I started keeping track of how “happy” I felt every day since 2019. What I noticed was that my level of happiness was very determined by external circumstances. My feelings correlated pretty well with how well the “five pillars” of my life were going. My five pillars were work/school, friends, exercise, religious life, and romantic life. When all five are going well, it's like when all the stars are aligned; life feels perfect. Having four out of five feels pretty good, three is ok, two is getting miserable, and I don’t think I’ve ever been at one or zero. These pillars fluctuated constantly. For example, one summer, four of the five pillars were going well, and then I hit my knee on a concrete trash can and couldn’t exercise for a week. Sure enough, my mood score dropped significantly during that period. 

If my happiness was so fragile as to weaken based on an interaction with a trash can, then maybe it “was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 2:11).

Fortunately, an intervention from God broke me out of my happiness-seeking lifestyle and taught me that He had created me for a life of meaning. 

One day, I was doing a quick prayer at my office job, and concluded by asking God, “What do you want me to do?” To my great surprise, I received a response. I heard “Lead my Church” echoing within my mind. This changed everything. God had something important and meaningful for me to do.

I didn’t know exactly what this meant for my life, and I still am putting the pieces together. However, the lack of total clarity did not mean I couldn’t start travelling down this new path, and I’ve been allowing Him to put the pieces together as I continue to step out in faith. 

My first step was trying to take on more ministerial responsibilities - in RCIA and by applying to be a director of a retreat. In my free time, I began to shift away from TV shows and video games and towards reading and podcasts. I figured that someone leading the Church was more likely to be well-read than to be very good at a video game that will no longer exist in ten years. The steady progress of pursuing God’s call was far more rewarding than the mindless entertainment I had been engaging in before.

As I pursued these goals of intellectual formation and ministry volunteering, I found that my desires were changing completely. Previously, I had been set on working in the data industry and was much more timid in ministry settings. All of a sudden, I developed a newfound appreciation for the liberal arts, and I actually enjoyed leading small groups. Following God’s will was actually fun and exciting.

After successfully directing a retreat, which was one of the best experiences of my life, I realized that God’s call was at least as big as shifting careers. I knew I had a call to work in ministry, but I didn’t know how I would make that transition. My spiritual director had recommended the Notre Dame Master of Divinity program, but I didn’t take it seriously at first, seeing it as pragmatically unrealistic. It wasn’t until graduation day that I took a closer look and discovered that the tuition would be totally covered. When the prudential concerns were taken away, my heart was set ablaze. It was the perfect transition into the ministry field.

At this point, my goal had become the most concrete it ever had been since the revelatory prayer. It transitioned from being a leader in the Church to working in ministry, and then to attending Notre Dame so I could become well-equipped to serve in ministry. With a more specific goal in mind, I was able to make progress more directly by working on my application and gaining volunteer experience in ministry. 

That period of preparing to attend Notre Dame was the most meaningful time of my life. I was no longer concerned about whether I was happy because I was so focused on what God wanted for me. It was then that I realized that you can find stable happiness when you are progressing towards God’s calling. 

Happiness sought for itself is too abstract and unclear. We don’t know what we want or what would be best for us. That is why it is wiser to follow God’s will. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He won’t give us something more than we can handle, and he won’t give us something so easy that we are bored. God challenges us, giving us the optimal balance between order and chaos if we let Him.

The best part is that the journey never ends. I was accepted into Notre Dame to start Fall of 2025, but that is not the final step. My meaning is now found in dedicating myself to this program God led me to in order to become the best minister I can be. After that, I will have the opportunity to actualize and build upon everything I learned and experienced in the field of ministry.

God has a plan for everyone’s life, and He is never done with you. If you choose to accept his call, I believe you can find the purpose and meaning like I did.